Middle Aged Woman

I'm a middle-aged woman, and I'm really in my prime,

I'm a middle-aged broad, and I'm looking mighty fine

Mature and sexy, healthy and fit

Nice and ripe, and I can't remember shit !

I'm irritable and crabby, and my mood is on the swing - Yes, it is

My cycles are irregular, and my underwear clings.

My thermostat has really gone awry

I 'm sweating like a pig, while my 'chacha' is totally dry.

Chorus: (Oooohhh, I'm working on a Hot Flash)

I'm perimenopausal, and I can't remember squat

There's a ringing in my ears, and I tend to fart a lot.

A 5 0'clock shadow wasn't in my plans

Everytime I sneeze, I fricking pee my pants.

I can't sleep through the night, my libido's out of whack

I've got bifocal contacts, and I'm sweating more than Shaq

I'm feeling really anxious, maybe I could score some crack

or....drink some black cohosh tea  (bleah,ick)

I'm a middle-aged woman, I suddenly don't remember who you are

I must be a musician, because I'm playing a guitar.

Yes, I'm middle-aged, Here on this stage

I'm middle-aged, completely crazed.

I'm middle-aged.....(don't mess with my social security)

Middle-aged woman!!

(Author and singer unknown)